Purity Culture Dropout Divorce Support Groups
For people who are divorced/ separated/ divorcing / separating/ or feel they might be headed that way- after purity culture.
What do you do when purity culture promised you that following its rules would guarantee a happily- ever-after with your one true love, but it didn’t quite work out that way?
It’s no secret or surprise that when people deconstruct their faith after high control religion (including purity culture), they experience seismic changes in their lives. Sometimes, especially when people marry young, the evolution of their faith, sense of self, and sexuality becomes incompatible with their spouse’s.
The ways that a deeply religious upbringing can affect the experience of divorce (especially with regard to expectations around gender and sexuality) is very specific and can be an isolating experience.
Lately, I've observed so many people booking sessions with me to talk about relationships, dating, and sexuality after divorce. I know from creating the PCD™ Queer Support Groups that one of the most powerful ways to learn and grow is in a supportive community with others who understand your unique experience and have a lot of the same questions and concerns. You aren’t just divorced/divorcing…you’re divorced/divorcing after purity culture, which brings up all kinds of things that other divorced people may not necessarily relate to.
Some of those things include:
Anger at how following all the purity culture rules didn’t result in happily ever after
Shame for not “making it work”
Regrets when it comes to sexuality and relationships
Grief about lost youth/ not having a typical experience of dating
Struggling with the weight of others’ opinions on your marriage/ divorce
Losing faith community
Loss of identity as a wife or husband
Judgment from faith community and family about your divorce
Questions and worry about navigating sex and dating now
People in your business/ sex life now
Anxiety about dating/sex when you have little experience
Feelings of exhilaration (and also terror) about living life without the weight of traditional expectations you once adhered to
Having healthy romantic/ sexual relationships
In these support groups we’ll navigate identity, sexuality, dating, gender expectations, shame, pleasure, community, and so much more- all specially tailored to address the niche experience of people who are divorced after purity culture.
Note: This group is open to anyone regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Queer folks (especially those newly discovering their queerness) are very welcome! You decide how to interpret “divorce”- whether you’re just beginning to separate or have been divorced for years, you’re welcome in this group.
“There’s something markedly exceptional about Erica. She believes us. Even though she didn’t grow up like we did, she believes us. She believes our stories, our traumas, our struggles. And she likes us. She genuinely likes us. For those of us who grew up in high control religion and purity culture, I think we are familiar with our stories being doubted, questioned, or corrected. The deep insecurities we have carried since childhood, that we simply are not accepted or liked for who we are because of the questions we ask, the hesitancies we’ve felt, the doubts we’ve expressed, the struggles we cannot seem to overcome, or our sexual curiosities? Erica meets them all, meet us all, right where we are. She does so with unfettered welcome and kindness and gentleness. We’re not a project or an agenda or a cause to save. We’re people with a lot of fuckin’ baggage, and she offers a safe, steady place to bring it to the table. Our vulnerabilities and fears and desires are held carefully. I simply cannot say enough about how good she is.” - L
How the Groups Work
Structure: 8 meetings total, 90 minutes each. We’ll meet online via Zoom.
Topics: Each week has a theme/ topic and will include structured, facilitated conversation and prompts.
“The biggest transformation I witnessed in myself and the rest of the group came when we started noticing how much we apologized after sharing our stories. We were afraid to say the wrong thing, talk too much, and take up too much space. After all, we were raised to be the good, quiet ones who serve others and not ourselves. Creating space for people to open up about religious trauma and sexuality in a meaningful way is no easy task, but Erica did it every week. Together we addressed the shame that in the past had kept us hiding parts of ourselves that desperately wanted to come out. What a joy it was to find connection in a group like this--to show up as my whole fucking self and be accepted. I've been in therapy for years trying to reconnect with my sexuality and talking about that with others solidified the progress I've made.” - T
“Erica’s Queer PCD support groups were exactly what I needed. Not only did she foster a gracious and welcoming community (within approximately 0.08 seconds), but she is a skilled facilitator who thoughtfully chooses topics for discussion. I didn’t fear sharing my actual thoughts, feelings, or experiences because the group was made to be trustworthy through her careful planning. We covered a variety of themes over the course of this group, each as pertinent and timely as the previous. Overall: 10/10.” - L, Maryland